


Lost Without You

by maniclust



Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Giving thanks, Implied Sexual Content, Loving Marriage, Marriage Proposal, One Shot, POV First Person, Pregnancy, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2019-06-19 21:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15518679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maniclust/pseuds/maniclust





	Lost Without You

[”I see it all aligned in front of my face but like a shooting star fades it could be gone just as fast as it came.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E8EAM9qlKM)

We said “I do” eleven years and five babies ago in a ceremony that was part reluctance and part release. Our fate had already been sealed the night we had fallen into bed with one another, no common sense, no protection, just passion. 

Before that moment, I’d gone through every emotion possible before finally settling in a fog of acceptance. I loved her without question. I knew that I would love our child, provide for them both, and build a life that we could be happy in. Even if it wasn’t the path I would have chosen for myself had I been given a choice, I knew that in the end I was given a choice and fated had chosen for me. Life was my own to make the best of no matter what cards that I was dealt. 

In those first few years, we both threw ourselves into the marriage with everything we had. Our passion never wavered. Each subsequent time that she told me we were going to have another baby, I welcomed it. I’d always wanted to have a large family in time so even though it was upon me faster than I ever could have imagined it was a blessing. 

Over time, it felt like we began to devote more and more time to the children and less to one another. That is to be expected to an extent when you have five children of varying ages that you’ve decided to homeschool. By the end of the night, when you fall into bed the exhaustion grips you and you are just glad for a moment of quiet. Everything else takes a back seat.

It wasn’t as though we were unhappy. It was quite the opposite actually. We were very happy with how things had turned out for us. Something was missing, though. Something that had always been there. Something we’d taken for granted in the first eleven years. Passion. We’d become complacent to our inner desires and needs. We took it for granted and in those moments it slipped away. 

Chuck Palahniuk once said, “Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it’s your responsibility to love it or change it.” Things weren’t going to improve on their own. It was time for me to do something about it or risk losing her forever to complacency, which, if I was being honest scared me more than I had ever been willing to admit to myself.

Being on tour didn’t afford me many opportunites to give her my full, undivided attention, but I was determined. It wasn’t often that I invited her to join us for a few days without the kids tagging along. We both knew that saddling any family member with our brood was an imposition so we tried to avoid it whenever possible. This time, I made sure that it was okay and that we weren’t going to be a burden to anyone. Kate and Nikki had graciously accepted to split watching them for a couple of days so that Natalie could join me in California. 

It was a surprise to her when I told her that there was a ticket booked in her name. The excitement was clear in her voice and to be honest, it was also clear in my own. I felt deep down that this was going to be something good for us. I had plans and for once, I was going to try and infuse the romance and passion back into a relationship that had spanned a decade for better or worse. 

****

“Come on,” I urged, tugging at her hand and trying to be conscious of the fact that my legs were much longer than hers, making keeping up with me difficult. 

“Tay, is this place even open?” she asked skeptically, though she didn’t let go of her grip on my hand. 

“For us it is,” I responded, looking back at her with a smile. 

Just a few moments later, we arrived at the Meyberg Waterfall at the Los Angeles Arboretum and Botanical Gardens. The water was lit up with colorful lights, soft music playing in the background, and it was all theirs. 

“Taylor,” she breathed out, stopping short so that my hand fell from hers as she saw what was laid out before her. I could see the way that the tears immediately sprang up into her eyes, her hand moving to cover her mouth as she took everything in. When her eyes finally fell upon me again, I was on one knee in front of her. Taking her hand, I brought it to my lips and kissed it softly. 

“Natalie Anne Hanson, you have stuck by me through thick and thin, for good times and bad ones, through many things lesser women would have run from, and five children. Through all of it, your love for me has never faltered. Even in the midst of our angriest fights, I always saw a love in your eyes that made me realize that things were going to be okay. 

“Over the years, I know that I have given you many reasons to run. To take the kids and leave due to my indiscretions and disrespect. I’ve spent the last few years trying to make that up to you. Trying to be better and showing you that I do love you more than anything in this world. You are the mother of my children, my muse when my creativity is waning, my reason for ever wanting to come home. This heart in my chest beats for you and that’s not something I want you to question or ever forget. 

“The first time I did this, it felt forced and it wasn’t at all what you deserved, so I’m down here on my knee again tonight. I would be blessed, honored, and over the moon emotional if you would say right here, right now that you’ll marry me again. That you’ll stand up with me and say those vows that people have held so sacred over the years once more. That you will continue to be my wife forever more and ease my aching heart. I’m lost without you, Natalie. Please marry me.”

By the time I was finished, the tears streaming down her cheeks had smeared her make up but she didn’t look any less beautiful to me. I had never expected her to be perfect or any less than what she was when she woke up in the morning. She was real. She was everything I wanted. She was mine.

“Yes, you silly man, yes. Of course I will marry you again!” she squealed, dropping down and throwing her arms around me with such a force that she knocked me over into the grass. 

As we kissed, I could taste the salt from her tears on her lips, though it didn’t take me long to come to the realization that she wasn’t the only one that was crying. I felt such a relief, a happiness, an absolute longing. And rising from the pit of my stomach and spreading like warmth through my entire body, I felt a passion for her that I hadn’t felt in a very long time.

It no longer mattered that we were in the middle of a normally public place that I’d managed to rent out for the evening. There was nothing that was going to get in the way of us giving into that passion. Together, in the cool grass, our bodies met as one in a lust filled, frantic, and desperate union that was filled with love. 

Again and again, we gave in to our need for one another until the sun was coming up through the open curtains of the hotel room we’d retreated to when our time at the garden was up. My body was slicked with sweat as my hand slid into hers, olding her fingers tightly against my chest and looking at her with a sated sense of belonging. Happiness. Love. 

“So, when you get back home are you going to start planning?” I asked, studying her beautiful features. 

A soft giggle left her lips and she rolled onto her side so that she could sink her teeth into my bare shoulder. “I’m already planning. You just don’t know it.”

“Mm, I wouldn’t expect anything less of you, baby.”

*****

The lights of the Christmas tree sparkled in the living room as I sipped the warm cider that had become a Christmas tradition at our household. I felt her arms come up behind me and slip around my waist, a rectangular wrapped package in her hand. 

“Merry Christmas, Daddy,” she whispered.

“I thought we agreed not to get each other gifts,” I said, frowning as I turned to face her. 

Her cheeks were ruddy and there was an excitement dancing in her eyes. “We did, but really this is a gift for both of us. Open it.”

I set my glass down while narrowing my eyes at her. Tearing at the delicate packaging, I gently worked the box open and gasped when I saw what was inside. My eyes darting up to meet hers as she gave me a soft nod.

“Baby…”

She leaned up and pressed her lips against mine, speaking softly. “Baby number six. Looks like I’m going to have to get my wedding dress altered again. But, honestly, I don’t think I would have it any other way.”

It took me a moment as I looked down at the positive pregnancy test nestled on a soft bed of cotton. When I looked up again I smiled broadly. “Me either, baby. Me either. I love you, Mama.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”


End file.
